Official Follower Number 3: RACHEL!

I now have three official followers with the addition of the lovely Rachelness! As well as 144 page views now, with 76 from the United States according to my audience tracker. At first Russia was winning with 58 views, then I posted the shit to Facebook and the next day my view count from the US jumped to 76. Not sure if they did it because they were interested, or just to compete with Russia...in true American fashion. Either way, it tickles me.

Earlier today I felt like a total wreck to be honest, like I could have burst into tears at any moment. I'm not sure why. I haven't felt like that in a long time. It was really rather frightening. Although for a while I've been feeling like I really have accomplished nothing in my life, just totally worthless; but then again I've never acknowledged whatever talents I may have, nor have I been confident in any of them. I mean, I've been told throughout my life that I have a talent for acting, and am still told such. I've been told throughout my life that I have a talent for writing, and am still told such. Perhaps if others can see it, it must be there. I guess, in fact I know, that the one person I've spent most of my life fighting in myself. I know the one person that I've never learned to love is myself. I know the one person that is always the first to tell me I can't...is myself. I guess until I can resolve these issues with myself, I'll really never accomplish anything I want, or it will at least be very difficult.

Anyways, the sun started to shine again with kind words from Rachel and Kelsey. I got to hang out with Christian for a little bit and listen to music, then I aced my German quiz. Afterwards I got my usual after German mocha espresso from Starbucks, then had some much needed laughs with Alex, Kataya, and Robert. Now "Goodfellas" and the lovely Ray Liotta are on at 11.

It was all that I needed.


PS

Fuck. I just followed my own blog by mistake...and do not know how to unfollow.

Now I look like even more of a douche.